Is #texting or #sexting #cheating?

by Susan J. Elliott, J.D., M.Ed. © 2019

Decide What Is Right for You and Your Relationship

There is a fairly large distinction between fathering a child with another woman while married and flirting with a coworker in texts.  There is a fairly large distinction between hiring prostitutes and typing out sexual fantasies to an anonymous internet chat room  There may even be a distinction between porn addiction (while in a relationship) and sexting (while in a relationship) and some might say they’re all the same.   Some believe that all of the above is cheating and all of the above is, therefore, wrong.

When I see clients who have had a breakup, I often see them rushing to get out there sooner than they’re ready to. In Getting Past Your Breakup, I caution people to take it slowly and heal from your breakup before even thinking about dating again. Unless you want to get into another failed relationship just like the one you just got out of, wait and do the work prescribed by Getting Past Your Breakup before Getting Back Out There!

When they ARE ready, I counsel people not to put anything on the internet you would not want your grandmother to see, but they do it all the time anyway. It can be destructive to your relationship, your job and your reputation.

Unless you want the whole world seeing what you’re up to, don’t put anything in text and don’t snap photos of your private parts. If you say it forget it, if you write it, regret it. If you live by that rule, chances are you are not going to have lots of explaining to do to anyone at any time.

People still continue to behave in ways that leave a fairly distinct trail. Every day people are caught sexting or engaging in other behavior their partner objects to. Every day hearts are broken when illicit behavior comes to light. Every day people become confused over their own behavior or their partners.
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“You Complete Me” or “Why I Need to Get a Life”

Live your own life to find someone who is a true, supportive partner  

Copyright © Susan J. Elliott, J.D., M.Ed. 

When we’re incomplete, we’re always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we’re still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter. ~ Tom Robbins

I’ve said over and over that in order to find the right person, you need to BE the right person.  No one else should complete you.  They should COMPLEMENT you.

A healthy person finds independence and completeness of another to be wildly attractive.  Many people would think why would two people who were each complete and happy in their own life, partner up with someone similarly situated?  Because secure in your own skin and complete in your own life is good, and complementary with a partner who can help carry the load is really good.

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